Introducing Legal Matters with Rosiee Magoo

MyGoodbye.com is pleased to introduce guest blogger Rosiee Magoo.

As a lawyer who has practiced both in England and the U.S., she brings a focused passion to assisting families regarding end of life legal matters including Estate Planning, Probate, Guardianship and Immigration.  

Rosiee graduated from the United Kingdom and was awarded the degree of Bachelor of Law and subsequently earned a Postgraduate Diploma in Legal Practice from the College of Law, London.  She was admitted to the New York Bar in 2001 and Texas Bar in 2012.  Look for Rosiee’s blog entries the second Wednesday of every month covering the important legal issues each of us must face.

Estate Planning

What is Estate Planning? Most people think that you need to have millions to make an Estate Plan. That’s not true. An Estate Plan is a number of documents that are drawn up to control what happens to your hard earned money at your death and or disability.

An Estate Plan includes all of the documents below and maybe more:

1.    Last Will and Testament;
2.    Statutory Durable Power of Attorney;
3.    Medical Power of Attorney;
4.     HIPPA Release;
5.      Declaration of Guardian of Self 
6.      Declaration of Guardian for Minor Children;
7.      Directive to Physicians; 
8.       Appointment of Agent to Control Disposition of Remains.

To make a Will you will need to decide on the following:

1.      Decide what property to include in your will, list your significant assets; 
2.       Decide who will inherit your property;
3.      Choose an executor to handle your estate;
4.     Choose a guardian for your children;
5.      Choose someone to manage children’s property.

This is just an outline of what you need to consider for an Estate Plan. I will write in detail about many of these and other End of Life issues in the future including how to avoid a Guardianship. If you have any questions or topics you wish to be covered please let me know.

Rosiee Magoo

Attorney At Law

attorneymagoo@gmail.com

210-313-9836

 Rosiee’s motto is “Courteous, Expedient & Professional Service”, because her clients deserve it.

Burial or Cremation?

It’s your choice.  That is, if you make the decision before your death, and record it somewhere accessible to those who will be responsible for carrying out your wishes after.  Because this is a significant decision, it is important to consider all the factors involved.  First, we will describe the requirements, list the benefits and finally the detriments for either choice.

Requirements

Burial  Requires the services of a funeral home and cemetery.  Choices to be made with the funeral home include casket type, the outer container—either a grave box or a vault, embalming and funeral service arrangements.  Decisions for the cemetery include plot or mausoleum selection, interment (and endowment care, opening and closing of grave, memorial marker inscription and setting.)  If the deceased is to be buried in another city or state, additional arrangements need to be made in regard to transportation.

Cremation An authorization form must be signed in order to cremate. An individual should sign this as part of a preplanning process. Otherwise, a spouse of the deceased may authorize.  If there is no spouse, then all children or both living parents or all siblings must sign on your behalf.  Ashes will be released to the person assigned to receive them.  They may be placed in a container, scattered in a suitable place, placed in a niche, crypt or buried.  They also may be personally transported to another location or sent through USPS standard shipping.

Benefits

Burial Traditionally, burial has been the standard practice. Families have the benefit of placing their loved ones in a designated area near other family members’ remains in a particular cemetery.  A grave marks a point of connection between the deceased and his survivors.  Some religions espouse burial as the appropriate choice. 

Cremation Gaining in popularity due to cost factors, ease of transportation of remains and the visible neglect of older cemeteries, cremations are expected to make up 50% of services by 2020. 

Detriments

Burial Our mobile society makes it less likely that a person will die in the same city they were born in.  Cemetery plots, if not already owned, are becoming harder to come by. The costs associated with a traditional burial have sky rocketed.  The average funeral costs over $8000. 

Cremation The necessity to have signed documents in place in order for cremation to occur may delay cremation.  State laws require the refrigeration of a body until cremation can occur which means additional expense for the family if signatures need to be gathered.  Because there is no cemetery plot to visit, it can be important to provide someplace where friends and family can remember their loved one, i.e. an online memorial, a tree planted in their honor or a park bench at a favorite spot are all possibilities.In addition, some religious groups are opposed to cremation.*

*http://www.religioustolerance.org/crematio1.htm

MyGoodbye.com allows you to register your preferences in the privacy of your own home, providing a guide for your end of life needs. 

A Goodbye as Unique as You Are

An older friend recently bemoaned the new automatic toilets installed at the airport.  “I’m beginning to think that there is no part of my destiny I can control!” She muttered.

And while that is true for much of our experience on this earth, and even our exit from it, there are some places where our pro active influence can make a difference. Planning end of life arrangements is a certain way to make your final statement.  Sadly, most of time this position is abdicated by ignoring its definite reality. 

We will all die sometime.  And for most, that moment will come upon us as a surprise, leaving our loved ones to scramble in their shock and grief trying to “put words in our lifeless mouths” to capture the essence of a last goodbye.  A funeral or memorial service should be a farewell that gives all involved the ability to convey their hearts.

This is especially true of the deceased--not through some eerie seance-- but by thoughtful advanced planning which has put in place expressed thoughts and desires which can be carried out at death.

“You only get one shot at a funeral,” the sound technician from a large church quipped, having provided his expertise for hundreds of services over the years, and having witnessed more than he preferred to count done poorly.

The characteristics of the average funeral: a very short schedule under extreme duress, participants who must reschedule their calendar, obtain travel arrangements, and plan a ceremony sensitive to other family members, coordinating with a funeral home and local congregation create challenges that require the expertise of an air traffic controller to run smoothly.   So it should be no surprise that invited speakers are overlooked, musicians miss their cue and family members and friends not properly seated carry hurt feelings long past the probate of the will.

How different this scenario is when a plan has been put in place that addresses these issues ahead of time. Sid Holmgren, a very quick and clever 92 year young friend announced to her children recently “I want to be in control of my funeral.”  And she wisely is taking steps to do just that.

How do you guarantee your final goodbye accurately translates your life message?

Bonjour MyGoodbye, giving individuals the tools and resources to craft their farewell their way.   

To discover how you can plan for your loved one's Goodbye of a lifetime, find us at www.MyGoodbye.com

Choosing a Funeral Home with Muneerah Warner

Finding the right Funeral Home can be a challenge, but well worth the effort. Planning ahead makes this search feasible.  We had the privilege to interview Muneerah Warner, the vivacious founder of FuneralDivas Inc. regarding this process. A notable expert in the funeral industry as the editor-in-chief of Funerals Today Magazine and the former owner of the Warner Funeral Home in Philadelphia, PA, Muneerah brings sound advice to help you in your search.

Are there questions which could be asked over the phone by a family that could help them narrow the field?

Yes, if a family is not familiar with the funeral establishment here are few questions that you should ask…

1.          What is the estimated price of the funeral? – so there will be no surprises. Remember the lowest price isn’t always the best option.

2.         What kind of services do you provide? A good funeral home should offer a variety of services for you to choose from.

3.         What day of service do you have available? Some smaller funeral homes may be booked for the day you desire to have your loved ones services and some funeral homes may not operate on weekends.

4.         What vehicles will be used during my loved ones services? Some families prefer certain makes, models or colors. Be sure they can provide what you need.

Is a visit to the funeral home a necessary first step?

If you are already familiar with the facility or if you are referred by a friend then a visit is not a necessary first step. For families that are not familiar with the funeral home a visit is of the utmost importance because you get to meet with staff and see if the facility will suit the needs of your loved ones funeral. You learn a lot when visiting a funeral home. If the staff is friendly, funeral homes is neat, the chapel is large enough and they produce quality work on the deceased then you know that you are in a pretty good funeral home.

What are warning sign that this may not be the right place to consider?

Making a decision about choosing a funeral home can be hard especially while grieving. Families should make decisions just like they make decisions about other areas life. If things don’t look right, smell right or seem right then they aren’t right! If you can’t understand what the funeral director is explaining to you avoid using that firm. A lot of families think their misunderstanding of products or services offered by a funeral home come from their lack of knowledge about the funeral industry when in fact it can come from deceptive practices. I believe that most funeral directors are honest however it is possible to run into a bad one occasionally.

Do you think it is important to request a woman director?

Choosing a woman as your funeral director can be important depending on what the family needs. If a family wants direct cremation with no memorial service they should be able to choose any reliable funeral director. However, women naturally add a special touch the funeral service of their loved one. Most families may never know this if they’ve never had a woman as a funeral director.

The job of a funeral director is very rewarding and beneficial to families that have experienced a loss. Great funeral directors are everywhere and the process of planning a funeral is not hard when you are well informed.

Thank you, Muneerah for taking the time to provide us with sound advice regarding choosing a funeral home. We commend you in your efforts to empower and encourage women in the funeral service industry.

Find Muneerah Warner at www.funeraldivas.com

For more ideas on saying the Goodbye of a lifetime, visit us at www.MyGoodbye.com   

Breaking the Silence

When a friend or family member has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, the first thing on everyone’s mind is often the last thing on their lips.  No one wants to face the inevitable; all their energy is focused on the possible.

Somehow, some way, we will beat the odds and overcome the doctor’s prognosis.  To discuss end of life issues, the planning of a funeral or memorial service appears to all as a white flag of surrender.  Who can swallow death and chemotherapy at the same time?  It takes a tremendous amount of belief and courage to subject oneself to radiation, surgery or chemotherapy in the hope such torture will in fact, be worth it. 

A trip to a funeral home or the reading of a casket brochure sends a message worse than the emptying bleachers at a run away basketball game.

Cynthia Ferris, an active part of her church’s benevolence ministry reiterates this point. “Time and again, we are scrambling to put together a funeral for a family who has lost a loved one to an extended illness.  The family has not made any plans, because they did not want to discourage their relative.  Many times, they were already at the point of exhaustion caring for their patient. They have no reserves from which to draw to now plan a funeral.”

Yet, dialogue is not only necessary, but beneficial.  Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University faced his terminal illness by writing a book about living.  Although he died of pancreatic cancer in July of 2008, after a nearly 2 year battle with the disease, his written and spoken words continue to impact thousands. 

MyGoodbye.com provides tools and resources which can help an individual articulate their wishes and express their final thoughts without signaling surrender.  For the patient who finds his loved ones unwilling to broach the subject, an individual with internet access may go to the site in the privacy of their own room and find a guide to lead them through end of life decisions and provide them with a secure place to store their final words to loved ones, favorite photos and video. 

For the caregiver desiring to start the conversation, MyGoodbye.com provides a less threatening initial point of reference, as its easy accessibility and low maintenance profile make it a feature anyone old enough to die---which includes all of us, should take advantage of.  “I discovered this site online, which makes planning for end of life issues easy to do, and it allows you to leave final words for those you love.  I decided I would use it, and I thought you might to look at it too. This is not at all to say that I have thrown in the towel in regards to your recovery. I haven’t. But I think this exercise could actually provide you with a greater sense of rest, knowing that end of life decisions have been dealt with.” 

How do you break the silence and begin the necessary dialogue?

Welcome MyGoodbye.com: gently guiding each of us to embrace all of our days with wisdom and purpose.

Find out how to leave your legacy  at www.MyGoodbye.com  

Marryin', Buryin' and $$$$

A wedding is a social (and financial) event of a life time.  Ask our daughters. Years were spent pouring over the latest Brides magazines, watching Bride reality tv and scanning the internet—to discover in 2011, the average wedding budget (not including honeymoon) was $27021.  When a friend recently informed us of his daughter’s engagement, my husband gingerly whispered “Let the money hemorrhage begin.”

To which our friend replied, “I’ve already been advised by my wife, we call those “bridal satisfaction units.”

Every father in law reading this winces because it is true.  However, in his penny grabbing heart, weighing the entire package, the expense is justified.  When the last toast is given and the merry couple rides off in the rented limo, a father realizes the cost of a wedding is a small price to pay for the life lasting memories it created.

At a wedding, relatives gather together who have been apart for decades, childhood tales are relived; laughter, tears, and a sense of belonging encompass the entire community.  Beyond the ceremony, the details of guest housing, transportation, meals and invitees all culminate in addition to the marriage, to a crescendo of family.

A funeral is also a social (and financial) event of a lifetime.  Like a wedding, it requires special clothing, flowers, food, ceremony, music, a guest list, ushers and officiator.  It requires the hosting of out of town friends and family.  But unlike a wedding, most funerals have an average 72 hours to prepare, all under the duress of grief. 

Mourning spouses scramble to put together a list to contact extended family and friends, fearing a name might be overlooked.  The deceased’s home is flooded with calls questioning arrangements for out of town guests.  Children struggle to make a decision on what to do with their parent’s remains and the costs of premium caskets verses standard ones.  (Whose going to put their dad in a standard casket even it if means maxing out an already stressed Mastercard?)

Like a wedding, a funeral mercilessly tugs on heart strings and purse strings. But unlike a wedding, every minute of indecision is 1 minute closer to the 72 hour deadline. This, coupled with the waves of loss and grief rob most funerals from reaching their full potential and purpose to honor and celebrate a life and adequately host the extended community.  Money is thrown at the event, but it rarely results in a satisfied heart that what was produced was well worth it.

When do you begin to prepare for a social event of a lifetime---especially when only heaven knows the month/day/year for the “Save the Date?  Are there steps that can be taken now to provide you and your loved ones tools and resources that can insure your final gathering is as rich and full of life as the rest of your days?

Hello, MyGoodbye.com.  A place to plan your final farewell for those you hold dear. Because saying goodbye is worth saying well.  By making the effort today to record your final wishes you insure your final goodbye will indeed be the social event of a lifetime.

Visit MyGoodbye.com

Aggie Muster: A TAMU Tradition

 

 

Every year on April 21, the student body, former students and the families of fallen Aggies gather in solemn assembly to call the names of former and current students who have passed away.  This enduring tradition strengthens the community and certainly is a bedrock of the famous “Aggie Spirit.” 

In their own words:

Muster is a time to look to the past, present, and future…not only to grieve but to reflect and to celebrate the lives that connect us to one another. A gesture so simple in nature yet so lasting in spirit, Muster is the lasting impression every Aggie leaves with us; it reminds us…that every Aggie has a place of importance – whether they are present in flesh or spirit. * http://muster.tamu.edu/history

This exercise provides a way to remember the  legacy of those who have died—a practice from which we all could benefit, T-sippers included.  The ingredients of such a gathering include:

* A set date and time (Aggies use the Texas Day of Independence, but a Great-grandparent’s anniversary, Memorial Day or other special day could work as well.)

* Invitees should be aware that this “Muster Roll Call” will honor loved ones—and be prepared to share how their lives were impacted by the life or lives remembered.

*  Preparations could include memorabilia from former times together.

*   Refreshments or a meal should follow the roll call, where participants can enjoy telling stories and reminiscing over their loved ones’ lives.

As our population continues to age, a Roll Call enables our communities to collectively honor and remember those from among our ranks who have died by celebrating their continued legacy.  In addition, such a gathering offers another avenue of healing for friends and family.  

Consider other ways to honor those you love at www.MyGoodbye.com 

Fiscal verses Physical Responsibility

A MyGoodbye.com Legacy Plan allows you to cover your bases without alot of drama

A 29 year old internet executive recently commented he had bought his first serious life insurance.  “Why” I asked, “Are you planning on kicking the bucket soon?”  Surprised, he quickly retorted “Of course not, but if something should happen, I want to make sure my wife and daughter are taken care of.” 

Our society puts a high premium on financial planning in the event that the unexpected happens.  In fact, individuals spent 4.067 trillion dollars in 2009 a year to pay for life insurance coverage that they hope with all their hearts is not needed.  That’s nearly 9% of the total goods and services produced in industrialized nations to buy something you really are not planning, or even desiring to put to use. 

While we commend the purchasing of life insurance as fiscal responsibility, the pre-planning of what, how and where our remains are dealt with in the event that the unexpected happens is considered morbid and presumptuous. 

Most of us have a better end of life plan for our bank accounts than our own bodies. 

Certainly a wife is spared grief if her husband has covered the bases on their finances, but she can suffer tremendous anguish trying to determine decisions regarding burial/cremation/cemetery when such topics have never been discussed.

Does she choose the family plot in another state or purchase one nearby?  Who would he have preferred to be pall bearers?  Did he have strong feelings for or against cremation?  Are there childhood friends or business associates who should be notified?  Would he want her to spend the $15,000 the funeral director insists is appropriate to properly acknowledge his place in society? 

What if there were a convenient resource and planning tool which could insure that should the unexpected happen, the bases were covered for all your end of life needs?  A website that could guide you through what decisions and plans are needed, and allowed you to store that information in a way that it could be accessed 24-7 from any place in the world?  What if it allowed you to store the words you would want to say if it were your last goodbye?

For the small investment of a few hours, the return is exponential.  You are protecting your loved ones from facing the unexpected unprepared, insuring peace of mind and a plan in the midst of heartache. But most importantly, you are insuring that saying your final goodbye will be with the same care and forethought as you said “I do.”

For a fraction of the cost of a month’s insurance premium, MyGoodbye.com provides you with  lifetime protection that your end of life needs are addressed as you would want them to be, extending comfort and provision for those you love beyond your last breath

How do you provide a guide for your grieving family?  Bravo, MyGoodbye.  There to carry them through when you can’t be.  

Shirley Walker is the President of www.MyGoodbye.com, offering a fresh, living way to deal with dying.

Where to Bury Mary?

One hundred years ago the answer was very simple.  You placed her next to Winthrop, her husband of 49 years in the family plot of the congregational cemetery, facing east. And with one shift of the eye, you could trace her family line: grandparents, aunts, uncles, and untimely nephews all neatly lined awaiting Gabriel’s trumpet blast to call their resting remains upward.

Unfortunately, today’s Mary has been married twice, lived on both coasts and has two sets of parents and children from three relationships.  So deciding where her remains settle can be a daunting task for those who survive her. 

The shift in modern lifestyle has not negated the need for appropriate avenues to honor a life and express grief over the loss common to our predecessors. However, no longer can this service tradition be assumed.  Careful forethought and communication to address the inevitable is required.  The conversation needs to start NOW, to protect those who survive Mary, and her life-legacy from the hurt feelings and bruised relationships which are inevitable if the decisions are postponed until Mary has no voice.

What does Mary want?  What would be realistic for family to participate in?  If Mary has lived her entire adult life in Los Angeles, even though her family home is Coffeeville Kansas, should the family incur the expense to ship her back home to Kansas, or choose a plot in California? 

But how do you start the conversation?  What needs to be covered?  Do I need to go to a funeral home to do so? 

Mygoodbye.com provides a place to begin the dialogue. With an easy to follow format you can plan your final farewell and store your wishes in a secure, readily accessible account that will be there to answer questions when you are not.  

Where to bury Mary?  That’s easy.  She wanted to be cremated, with a simple memorial service for friends and family followed by a meal at her favorite restaurant.

Thank you, My Goodbye.

Shirley walker is the President of www.MyGoodbye.com  

Funerals

We’ve all been there.  In our too tight pumps and black suit, which smells a bit like the closet cleaner bag it has rested peacefully in since we last called it into action for Great Aunt Sally’s funeral, sitting stiffly in a funeral home “chapel” the scent of  slightly decaying lilies heavy in the air, listening to a complete stranger whose somber countenance and grave demeanor always, and as a Pastor’s wife I have been to my share of funerals, God forgive me but it’s true, always makes me think for just a moment this guy has to be part of a Saturday Night Live routine. No pun intended. 

It is heartbreaking to say a final goodbye to a friend or loved one, but the added awkwardness of surroundings which are totally foreign to everything that their life had represented adds a dull bummer to the whole deal. 

Funerals in funeral homes can feel as genuine as the silk flower arrangements lining their marble hallways.  I’m not lobbying for backyard bar B Q’s or destination cremations, (although if either of these ideas better reflects the life of the one who has died, than I’d readily participate rather than attend another morose, cookie cutter service in a funeral home where you’d better check the marquis because, save the eulogy, it could anybody’s service.) I just think it is time for life’s swan song to come in sync with the rest of the verses. 

A funeral or memorial service should be a time of rich celebration for the life that has been completed.  It should provide a platform for grief to be shared and expressed.  It should feel natural and not fake: which in essence, means it should have those who actually knew the deceased directing the decisions, and participating in the elements of its commemoration. 

However, most of us get the creeps talking about our, or another family member’s eventual death.  It goes against our social mores.  Consequently in our silence, we abdicate the framing of our final life expressions to “professionals” who know about the business, but nothing about the heart of the life being put to rest.

Break the silence. Start the conversation.  Mygoodbye.com provides a place to begin the dialogue. With an easy to follow format you can plan your final farewell and store your wishes in a secure, readily accessible account that will allow your life memorial to sound like you and not the generic deceased.

Shirley Walker is a pastor’s wife, author and creator of www.Mygoodbye.com, a fresh, living way of looking at dying.